April 4, 2019

Today I am looking for that perfect blend of sweet and sour, but it has nothing to do with food. I'm looking for that balance in myself. 


I know I can be sweet: calm, supportive and kind.

I know I can be sour: fierce, combative and sharp.

But can I walk the edge between the two?


I've been waiting and waiting for my book, Cancer + Yoga, to be edited to my satisfaction and the person I've been dealing with has stopped responding to me. I contacted customer service and they assure me that I only need to wait to hear from her. It's been weeks now with no response to phone messages or emails. I have an event scheduled in a few weeks and I want the book there for that event. It would be really helpful to have the book, not to mention it would help begin the process of selling the book. I have paid this company lots of money to be able to produce my book and now I'm at a crossroad between anger and acceptance.


Historically, I get what I want by complaining. I drive up my stress response until I really believe that this issue is a threat and then I unleash my words. I don't want to repeat this behavior because it takes its toll on me. Anger diffuses through my body and mind and I take a while to process it. Nor do I want to be passive about this because my livelihood depends on it. I also believe that the book can help many people, so I want to get it out into the world.


So here I sit with my emotions, trying to sift through the sugar and spice to find the right combination of words to communicate urgency in a respectful way.


I think it starts with empathy. I genuinely hope the person I've been working with who has "ghosted" me is okay. I understand the person in customer service who has offered me an apology and nothing more is working within his limitations. But I also understand that heat transforms so I intend to turn the heat up... Slowly and with dignity. I hope.


With any luck I'll be announcing the release of the book very soon!


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